We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
