Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
