I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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