i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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