just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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