if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
