I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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