There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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