I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
