he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
