why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
