You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
