Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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