took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
