I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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