I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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