My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
