just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
