it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
