Will you blow on my dice?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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