So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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