Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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