elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
