Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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