a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
