FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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