I love black thongs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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