never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
