Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
