Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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