I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
