hotel room ftw
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
