so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
