I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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