Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found your dick twin last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
