just come out here and I will go home with you...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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