Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
