i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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