drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
