we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
