I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize