My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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