at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
