Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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