look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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