hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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