i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
