So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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