you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
