We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
