I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
