just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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