mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
