I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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