I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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