He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
