It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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