He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
