it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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