i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
