im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
