I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
