You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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