he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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