dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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