Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just invented taco cereal.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
