we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
