remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
