my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
