I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
