Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
