New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
