if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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