I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
