Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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