Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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