I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
