So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
