so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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