alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
