I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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