Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
