i think i have two assholes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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