College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
