this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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