someone threw a dead crab at me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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