I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
