we have officially lost it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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