thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
