***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
