With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
