She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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