I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
