Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
